I allowed myself to be triggered yesterday and really fell into
fear and saw the change in me from being heart centered to thought centered.
This allowed me to see just how important it is to maintain my thoughts and
vibration.
I learned last night that Colorado has a 3
day eviction rule. Once a landlord posts the notice on your door to leave, you
have 3 days until a sheriff is at your door. Normally this info, while
shockingly harsh wouldn't have fazed me. However earlier in the day I read a
post of Facebook about how the government will be shutting down in February to
never reopen and all social security retirement and disability payments will be
cancelled. When I first read the post, I didn't think anything of it and
scrolled right on past.... little did I realize it was doing its damage in my
subconscious the whole time. The moment I heard about the 3 day eviction
process my brain went to - oh crap, you use your disability to pay rent! What
if the government shuts down and you don't have that money anymore?
At first I thought I could contain the
"What if?" thoughts, however as I was making dinner they kept flying
through my mind. Within 30 minutes I was grumpy as a bear. Within 45 minutes I
was so anxious and uncomfortable I started releasing it onto others. Next thing
you know, I'm yelling at one kid because she was stalling before bed and
yelling at another child for taking a 20 minute scalding hot shower. Didn't she
know that it is dollars down the drain and we are on the verge of financial
collapse, eviction, and homelessness? My husband just looked at me and said
"this isn't like you; you are so angry and yelling at everyone." His
calm response stopped me in my tracks. What was I doing? Why was I allowing
thoughts to come into my mind that caused such deep fear? Why was I stealing my
own sense of peace?
I went to take a bath to cleanse my aura
and clear my head. Epsom salt, crystals, and rose essential oil always does the
trick for me. As I lay in the bath, I realized that the moment I let fear and
lack into my thoughts I switched from being a heart centered being to a
thought/ego centered one. In that place, I was taking all my frustration and
fear out on my family allowing my shadow side to come out and play.
Today I am thinking of how I allowed
myself to be triggered and decided that I need to be in control of my
environment and the thoughts I entertain. Anything less comes at too great a
price, my internal peace and happiness. In conversations with my higher self, it
was suggested that I limit my exposure to the fear propaganda. Fear lowers our
vibration and since we create our version of reality via our thoughts, I need
to be conscious of what I am creating.
I don't watch news or much TV at all
anymore. So little is entertaining and so much of the programming keeps us
locked into fear, celebrity worship, and drama. I stopped reading the fear
articles online and watching the video on YouTube that scream of the latest
horrible thing getting ready to happen. I believe that that the creators of the
videos feel that they are doing a service by awakening others. I was one of
those people to scream from the roof tops all the injustices and plots taken
place, begging people to wake up. I now realize that these tactics empower no
one and instead causes people to shut down and be fearful. It literally takes
us from our heart space. What I didn't do was manage my Facebook news feed. I
didn't want to delete anyone because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
(Really? That again? Putting someone else's needs in front of my own. Ah, I'm
such a work in progress.) I thought I could scroll through the news feed and
just ignore those posts and not be triggered by them. Lesson learned.
To get back to that place of inner peace
and a wide open heart I just have to remind myself over and over again:
You are safe, whole, perfect and loved in
the eyes of God. You are protected and eternal.
