Guides Discussion on my Fear of Failure

I share this with you because I am not the only one that has failed at many things and find myself afraid to be exactly who I am. I am taking steps and have made huge strides over the last year, but underneath is this nagging fear. For me my fear of failure, makes it so I stop myself.

A guide came to me today, she was young and Korean with a beautiful light around her. She had this etheric quality. She told me that she had things to tell me, that I should pay attention and write them down. Her strong tone got my attention.

You have a fearful soul when it comes to success. Do you know why this is? You were not allowed to fail. Your attempts were laughed at and it bruised your tender soul. You shined so brightly with an innocence that most did not understand. and you were unable to laugh at yourself. You've put yourself in a box of pass/fail and forgot to enjoy the journey.

You have a choice, you can stay in that place of limited definition or you can expand and encompass all that is. You have your dreams and desires, they are large. Do you have the courage to follow them? To take them? To turn your back on your fears? I think you do. When you doubt look at how far you have come, look at the obstacles you placed in your path that you have trampled over. This fear, it is nothing. Look it in the eye and tell it that you will succeed. Change your definition of success. Don't view your life through a 3D lens. Instead view your success through your experiences. True success is learning and growing, not only in outward expression to the world. So many have large outward expressions but they are empty inside. Do not judge your success by these characteristics.

I don't know what to do.

You do, do what makes your heart happy. Create for the sake of creating. You will see it all unfold for you. You must have the courage to be all that you are, your true self in things, in the face of all scrutiny. This is your time. Can you feel it? Remove that webbing of fear from around you as this old programming is no longer who you are.

Is it a cord?

No, it is a webbing you have wrapped tightly around yourself. (I look down and see myself covered in a spiders web, she pushes it away from my face, and mostly off my head). You would get a glimpse out, your heart would soar and then an obstacle would appear and you retreated behind the webbing. Take it off child, take it off.

How do I do that?

By stepping into who you are. By accepting that you hold great light and the world criticizes what it can't understand. That it is not a reflection on you, but on them. Release it and let it go. Don't allow layers to be added to the webbing, instead through each bold move, each act of determination, each act of being exactly who you are, let the layers weaken and fall to your feet.

You are beautiful, let the world see it. It needs souls with open hearts full of love. Go, be wonderful, we need you.

With that, she was gone. I now understand and will choose to release myself from the webbing I created to protect my soul.

What I learned from my body

You can't tell it that it's fat, ugly, or that you hate it and expected not to retaliate. You have to listen to your body, not suppress warning signs and expect all to be fine.

My first major lesson was in 2010. I was having chronic back pain that I blamed on a spinal fusion and severe headaches that I blamed on a stressful job. I was exhausted and at the end of my rope feeling extremely stressed. I blamed it on trying to raise three kids, my job, and a chronic pain condition. Who wouldn't feel like crap with all that going on.

It all changed the day I took one of the kids to our family doctor and he noticed that something was very wrong. He did a basic neurological exam and called the neurosurgeon he like best and got me an appointment for the next day. I went to the appointment and they did a CT scan and saw right away but I was in major trouble. They didn't understand how I was still walking. The bone graft from my spinal fusion has slipped and tore into my cerebral fluid column. I had a significant leak and the fluid was pooling at the base of my spine. That explains the severe headaches, back pain and the anxiety I was feeling. My body was screaming "Pay attention to me!" They said that if the bone graft had moved further I would've been paralyzed. I was in surgery within days and spent almost a month in a nursing home. The nerve damage was significant and I live with chronic nerve pain in varying degrees since then. You would think that I would form a great relationship with my body at this point. I did start to listen to the body's signs and have done my best to live a healthy life. 

Today, I got another wake up call. I have been experiencing hair loss, scalp tenderness, and sores. I went to the dermatologist who did a biopsy. This morning I went into the office for the results. It was a slap in the face to hear that I have an autoimmune dis-ease that leads to scarring of the skin where hair will not grow again. She said is in the very beginning phases and she thinks we can get the inflammation and pain under control. I was dumbstruck. Haven't I've been eating right, walking, losing weight, paying attention to the body? How did this happen?

Then it hit me, autoimmune disease is our essentially the body attacking itself. My body is attacking itself in a very noticeable way, through hair loss that could lead to baldness. My body was only doing what it had been told to do by me all these years. It was hating itself, destroying itself. How many times have I said "I hate my body", "I hate my hair", "I look ugly", "I'm fat". How many times have I verbally attacked myself for my looks? Is it that strange to think that the body decided to answer that call? It decided to do exactly what I've been saying. It was giving me a body to hate, hair to lose, and more reason to feel ugly. Make no mistake, the universe is always listening and responding and mirroring our thoughts.

I have to take a step back and really look at where these feelings of self hate started. Did it start when I gained so much weight with children? No, I think that was just a symptom. I think like most deep hurts, it started in my childhood. Maybe it was the feeling that only if I was thin and pretty what I be worthy of love. Maybe it was hearing my dad call my mom ugly during fights and she in turn would say similar things to yourself. Is this the legacy I too have left for my girls?

Has hearing me say that I hate myself set them up for a life of self depreciation? It's possible. All I can do now is heal that inner child, that beautiful girl with the big brown eyes who absorbed too much of others pain and then unleashed the fury on herself. All I can do now is set a new example for my children, one of self-love. 

For the past few years I have worked hard on loving myself and not accepting other peoples junk. I am no longer a doormat standing with open arms begging for love from others only to be used and hurt. I learned balance. I learned what I could give to others without losing self. I had finally found my voice. However, I didn't take that last step of self-love to the really important part, which is self acceptance. I needed to except myself for my flaws and still see beauty when I looked in the mirror. I needed to take that final step and silence those tapes running in my head and stop the negative self talk that has plagued me my whole life.

I know what the body will do when it feels unloved, unappreciated, now it's time to see how it will react to love, pure unconditional love and gratitude. Gratitude for all it has done to get me through a bad kidney in childhood, three hard pregnancies, three spinal surgeries and chronic pain. It has shouldered a great burden and it is now screaming "Enough! Love me, Accept me! Stop being so mean to me. I give you my All, just love me in return."

Thank you body,  I got the lesson. I am so very sorry for all the mean and hateful things I have said. I would never treat another person that way. When did it become okay to do it to you?

Healing is so hard, it comes in layers and I'm so grateful for the messages that are loud and clear.

Information on the Increased Energies - received 7/17/14

This information was received from my guide Thaddius.  He came through this morning. Some of this information may only pertain to me. Keep what resonates with your soul and discard the rest.  I was feeling rough with the energies and his vibration soothed me immediately. Here is a link to the first time this being of light introduced himself Thaddius and information on the New Earth   He knew that I was filled with doubt and concern and here is his advice:

Thaddius:
We want you to keep your own council. When you read other channelings and other's perspectives you create doubt within yourself. Do not put another perspective above your own. Group collaboration and validation can be helpful, but understand that no two of you have the same experiences. You are each unique and your goals and paths are also unique. The only true thing you have in common is the desire to ascend and return to self. The detail however are personal and relate only to that person.

We showed you the image of a raging river and you being swept away in the current. This is true for all on this path. You have a choice to fight the current, hang by the shore and to even stop your progress and tether to the side. We recommend however that you allow and let go, float towards the center.  This river is a good illustration for the intense amounts of light coming in to your planet at this time. At times the frequencies will be smooth, calming and other times it is rapids that leave you feeling unsure and unsteady. Know however that all things are unfolding as planned. Things will not slow down from this point forward. We have been given the green light to continue sending light to upgrade the human vehicle. many are receiving help in repairing aspects of the body and communication systems.

Only you can stop this progress by deliberately stopping yourself and not allowing change to take you. If you hold onto the old, it drags you down in the river and slows your progress. We recommend cutting all your cords twice daily, making it a part of your meditation or reflection practice, as these will slow you down or stop you completely. (Instructions on how to cut cords)

Each of you are in the river at different spots, different locations, with different circumstances. How can you possible compare?  While one may be on a bend unable to see the next part of the river and this can cause doubt and fear, another is in a long, smooth open stretch. Neither is right nor wrong, but perfect for that soul and their journey.

Me:
When I viewed myself from above in the current of the river I saw that it was long, twisty, and the sides had deep canyons. Is this accurate?

Thaddius:
Yes, this is not a sprint, but a marathon. It is a process that will take time. the more the body is allowed to adjust the faster it goes. The further down the river, the deeper the sides. You will then have a harder time stopping yourself and will be caught up in the current. How easy this is on your body is up to you. If you fight every change and constantly label your physical feelings as wrong, this will be harder. Instead, come from a place of understanding that this is necessary and thought he process can be uncomfortable at times, it will pass. The less you resist the faster it passes.

Many are feeling anxiety and unease. This is two-fold. The first part is that your body is panicked by the changes in light. It doesn't understand and sends stress signals that can manifest as heart palpitations, chest tightness, nausea, and a feeling that all is not well. Talk to your body, tell it that it is fine. You took this advice the other day and after repeatedly telling the body that it was fine, the symptoms eased. Talk to the body as many times as needed for it to understand.  (I literally chanted for 10 minutes "Body you are fine, stop sending distress signals" for 10 minutes and the tightness around my throat that felt like a dog collar eased up).

The second reason for the anxiety is that you all are stepping into the unknown. the mind/ego (he was very clear that they are the same, not separate) are not wanting to lose control and are trying to hold you in place. It uses fear, doubt, and uncertainty to get you to return to thinking with the mind/ego and not with your heart. Thank the mind/ego for its part in your life and tell it not to be afraid. You will never completely lose your mind/ego, instead it is a taming of it, making it a part of your team. Ignoring your thoughts only helps for a short time. Instead, talk to it as you would a child, with love and compassion. Tell your mind/ego that the heart is in charge now and there is nothing to fear.

Me:
When I was viewing from above. I saw that after a very long way it empties into the sea. Is this accurate?

Thaddius:
Yes, eventually when your body can hold all the light, you will reach the calm sea. This will feel like bliss to no longer be integrating light codes. We've been told to expect that when you hit this spot that anxiety could come up and be overwhelming. Some of you will be so use to the turbulence in the river that you won't understand why it has stopped. This could lead to doubting, confusion and wondering if you have done something wrong. Instead know that this is your destination. That you want to be pulled into the sea for then you will truly be light and create light.

Me:
I woke with this saying on my mind:

I am an open channel of light
Light flows through me
easily, constantly, effortlessly

The light dissolves all blocks within me. 
I am integrating with the light,
the true essence of my being.
I am an open channel of light

Me: 
Do you think this will help ease the transition?

Thaddius:
Yes, this sets your intention and will help integration. It's like giving your body the green light to accept changes gracefully. Visualizing yourself as a being of light will help too.

Me: 
Thank you. Is there anything else you need me to know?

Thaddius:
Yes, stop focusing on future events and create your now. Your actions and thoughts today are creating your tomorrow. If you are always focused on what is to come, you are not truly creating your life. Focus instead on your personal goals and take steps daily to achieve them. Know that you will be supported and aided in all ways.

(After that we engaged in personal conversation and I want to share this part)

Me: Sometimes I feel like I am crazy

Thaddius: Yes, well you are (said in a joking manner)

Me: I've heard that all the best people are crazy

Thaddius: In your world its the crazy ones that make a difference

Me: What about in your world?

Thaddius: We are all crazy

Here's to the crazy ones <3

Lesson on Balance

Discussion with Olie on balance. It was initially in regards to my crossing over spirits which was beginning to take a toll on me emotionally and on a vibrational level:

Olie: 
Humans feel that they have to sacrifice things, particularly themselves. Your main job is to exude and be love and joy. That is why you are here. How you choose to do that is up to you. Yes, we want you to use your talents, but the minute these talents over take you you are lost to human thinking. You no longer are joy.
Humans have been taught self-sacrifice through religion and other means. Do you think Jesus sacrificed himself?

Me:
Yes it's what we've been taught

Olie: 
Well, he didn't. He pursued his own personal ascension and hoped others would follow.

Me: 
What about the miracles? Did he perform them?

Olie: 
Yes, in a sense but what he did was activate within people the ability to heal themselves. He did this by simply being love and joy and exuding light from within.

Anything that causes us to lose our joy needs to be examined. What did it invoke in us? Why did we lose our joy? We then need to return to center.

Me: 
Joy may be too strong of a word

Olie:
Peace then, neutrality. The feeling that all is right in the world.

Yes, you will still have mundane tasks like dishes and laundry. You choose how you approach them, with joy or unhappiness, with judgement or neutrality.

We are all still working towards being in joy at every moment. When we find ourselves not in a feeling of joy, we take note of the situation, what it can teach us, retrain our thinking and return to center. For instance, you have a long trip ahead, you begin to get bored. You can continue with that line of thinking and move yourself further from neutrality towards judgement or you can retrain your thoughts to see the boredom as an opportunity to read a book, really see the earth around you or even to go within to silence. The choice is yours. The task remains the same, your perspective on it is what changes. Change your thoughts and go back to joy and neutrality.

Me:
 I enjoy crossing over spirits and talking to the ones with incredible stories, I don't want to stop that but...

Olie:
But, you lost your balance. Do what you want as long as it keeps you feeling joy. When you began to feel pressured, burdened, or stressed that is when you need to set up boundaries. If after you set up boundaries and stick to them you still don't return to joy, you need to find something new so that you stay in a place of peace.  Remember your job is to help others by being love and joy anything that moves you from that is working against your natural state, your purpose.

Discussion on ego with Olie, my guide

I was talking with my guide Olie (O-lee) about ego, this was a personal chat, but what I learned I feel can benefit some.  She told me that I had an ego of a mouse and I asked if this was a good thing.

Olie: Some have the ego of a lion, some of the mouse, both are destructive, both will make you bleed. A mouse is constantly shredding things, chewing and destroying, while a lion will rip you in one swift blow. Both are painful, the lion is easier to see and easier to stop, the mouse is sneaky and hard to catch. An ego of a lion can get you in trouble as you see yourself better than others. On the other hand the ego of a mouse will stop you from becoming who you are. Both are destructive, both will make you bleed.

Me: I get worried that my ego is lying to me when I hear praise on my progress or my ability to see & hear other dimensions.

Olie: Don't you also receive information on what you are doing wrong?

Me: No, wrong is the wrong word. I receive guidance on what needs worked on and changed. I then work on these areas.

Olie: Ah, that's how you have gotten so far. (she then flashed a picture of me working years ago at a job). Would you have been able to do the same then?

Me: No, I would have been offended and pissed.

Olie: See how far you have come?

Me: Yes, now I do.

Olie: What is it that you want?

Me: I want to write a book and share my experiences with others to help them

Olie: Then write a book and continue to have experiences to share.

Me: I want to be somebody

Olie: Are you not already somebody? Ah this is where your ego comes in. It's not pretty. Your ego is telling you that you are not somebody, that your existence is not worthy unless you do. Yet, by the very act of being you are changing people's lives. Do people not seek your presence? Do they not crave your smile? When you don't give it to them they feel uncertain. Does this sound like the characteristics of a no-body? You need not withhold your light, your love as in fact is is denying who you are at your core. You have incredible love and light but your job is to give it away. Not just to strangers, but to those who you feel have wronged you in some way. That is why when you are upset with someone you don't look them in the eye, because the minute you do, your purpose is reminded and you become love and joy again. Stop denying yourself this. When you do, you feel bad and uncomfortable inside and it's not due to their presence but you denying love to them. It goes against your core. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get angry or speak your mind, but once it is done, let it go and forgive, then return to your natural state of love and light.

Information on the New Earth, received 7-7-14

This morning I woke and could feel 4 beings in my room. They were light beings and I could feel their vibration. One stepped forward, told me his name and that he was from Zolcar. I wrote down our conversation,they communicated verbally and through images in my mind. They wanted me to understand completely . They felt that it was important for me to share. I hope that it resonates with you.

Thaddious:
Congratulations on raising your vibration to this point. We are here to embolden you, to push you, to remind you of why you felt the need to come to earth, why you answered the call. So many who have answered have lost their purpose and don't understand why they are here at this time. It leaves them feeling trapped, abandoned, and lost. We and others can do nothing to help as their vibration is too low for us to get through. We sit, watch and wait. many of us have been frustrated at the progress and are ecstatic that some have made it across the threshold. Many then want a rest, a reprieve, but in truth the work is just beginning. However, we and others can then help support, guide, and encourage, even if it is just enveloping the person in a familiar energy.

(I then saw an image of a woman hanging out a window)

Right now you are staring out an open window at the universe, we want you to step outside completely.

Me: I don't know how

Thaddious:
Step into your power completely, step into who you are fearlessly and with joy. You have much to share, yet you hold back. The reasons that you hold back will keep you trapped and feeling unfulfilled.  (And this is why I am writing this post and sharing it)

Me:
You just showed me a naked man putting on a suit, a suit of another body with leads like from a heart monitor attached all over.

Thaddious:
Yes, you need to understand that these bodies you identify with are no more than suits hooked to a computer. The computer runs programs and sends the information to the body. The problem is that many are not receiving the information sent by the computer. The signals, wires get disrupted by many things. Coffee, one of your favorites, disrupts the flow of information. In others it could be soda. This is why a purer diet is needed and pure water. Many of you are communicating with the computer, telling it what you need, but the computer is unable to send those changes back to the body. Many of you are becoming more and more sensitive to foods, the purer you can go the easier the communication pathways will work. At the moment your higher selves are reprogramming the computer to heal you, but the changes are being disrupted before they reach your body.

Me:
Besides eating and drinking purer what else can we do?

Thaddious:
Bless all your food before eating and activate your water before drinking. To activate your water, place your finger in it and turn counter clockwise. State "this water is activated".

Me: 
Does our mind tell the computer the changes that we want, like to lose weight?

Thaddious:
No, your higher self who has always been with you is in charge of reprogramming the computer for your highest good and optimum health. This disconnect is causing many to feel frustration and doubt. This can lead to your vibration lowering and further compounding the problem. It as if the leads from the computer become rusted or frayed when your vibration is low.

We need to discuss the new earth concept. Many are describing their home planets that they are beginning to remember as they awaken. They are also remembering abilities they they had in their true form. They are confused and not deliberately misleading. However, this confusion could lead to many falling off the ascension path.

The new earth is an overlay, an energetic frequency on top of the actual planet. It is another layer. As each person reaches the newest layer there are leads that connect them to the planet below. It is through these leads that the planet will be healed. Eventually, there will be more people on the new earth than the old. More people actively working to heal the earth than to destroy it. Through their actions and changes they make on the new earth, signals will be sent duplicating the results to the layers below. This change will take time, but with each action, each re-connection to the understanding that we are all one, the earth will heal.
Many of us, who have been watching are concerned that the information and impression given will lead people astray. Lead them to believe that all the work they have done to move into the new earth was a lie that they believed. Even ones that make it to the higher frequency can fall into despair and abandon their mission.

Life on the new earth will not be perfect and those that make it to the 5th dimension will not be perfect beings. In fact, all of us are still working towards the goal of being love. Stepping into the next dimension brings you closer, but it will not be the end of learning and growing. For many, it will be the beginning as ego will begin to be balanced. If you put expectations on yourself that you should always be loving, never angry or upset, you will fail. It is unrealistic and negates the purpose of learning. The benefit of the New Earth is the balancing of ego, ego that has caused humans to feel superior to other species including the earth. This humbling along with the desire to be love will help heal the earth.

For those that have visions or dreams of a beautiful place that makes their heart sing with joy it is a vision of their home. It is meant to rejuvenate the weary traveler, not confuse and mislead, for these are not visions of the new earth. The new earth is simply a layer with a different, higher vibration. This vibration opens doors to many wondrous things as love for all that is will be the focus.

Me:
 Is there more?

Thaddious:
Yes, but that is enough for today.

________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you for reading and I welcome comments. It was quite and experience and I am still in awe.

The Cosmic Battle of Good vs.Evil

When I started crossing sprits over I was so honored. It was an important job that helped people and let me be of service. I had been on the sidelines for so long. In my attempt to find balance with the near constant flow of souls a friend told me how I could cross over someone quickly and painlessly. This was used for those souls, who wouldn't leave, were befuddled in their mind, or were in your face angry types who wouldn't listen to reason or respect boundaries (like my home). Thankfully, these souls were very few and far between.

With this ability to cross unruly souls over quickly I started to ask my guides if I could cross dark spirits over quickly in the same fashion and got a yes that it was possible. From there, my mind (ego) took over and I just ran with it. I asked if me clearing portions as large as a state would be possible and to my delight I was told yes, it was very possible. I also learned that I could clear places where emotions resided such as hate, anger, and pain. Negative beings would feed on those emotions; the amount I could clear was amazing.  It wasn't long before my concrete mind wanted to quantify things. How many beings on earth are dark? How many could I clear with an hour’s worth of work? I felt like I was on a crusade, clearing the earth of dark beings and freeing earth and her people to a fast ascension.  It wasn't long, 24 hours in fact, before I started to attract dark beings to me. They wanted me to stop what I was doing and attacked. Most beings I would feel in my aura and clear, but there was a group that I could not. These were the Draconian’s.  They would come into my aura and mess with my chakras, shutting down my heart and solar plexus chakras. They would also create such pain in my back to the point that I felt like I was being punched. I went to my guides and demanded help. I got help. I was given crews of people who would help keep me remove these dark beings.  I asked if doing this was what my higher self-wanted and got a yes.  I assumed it was because it was what my higher-self did on a daily basis.

Soon the attacks were unrelenting. They were not only when I cleared areas of dark beings, but all the time. I was constantly checking my aura and chakras . It was really rough and painful but I had convinced myself that I had to save humanity, that my sacrifice was needed.  A friend who I had shared what was happening with said that she had always avoided negative beings by keeping her vibration up as lower negative beings cannot touch you if you vibrate higher than they do.  I told her that I had always held to that too, until recently. She also gently reminded me that I had free will and could back out of anything at any time.  I was vibrating lower and lower, in pain and really, really cranky. My youngest came into my room to ask a question and I just exploded on her. I was trying to keep these beings from hurting me and here she was asking for something. She looked at me and said “Mommy, you are scaring me”,   out of the mouth of babes. I sat back and thought – what the hell am I doing? I am trying to “save” the world but I am not even being a decent mom at the moment. How can I possibly help anyone when I can’t help myself?

At that moment, I made a decision – I was done. It wasn't my job to save anyone. The only person I can save is me, I can help people, shine a light in the dark, but that’s as far as it goes.  I went to take a bath to clear my aura and I went into meditation. I stood in an area and I was surrounded by all the beings that agreed to help me fight the dark. My guides, the angels, the crews and even my dad were there. I started by apologizing for failing them, for not being strong enough to continue this fight. I explained to them that I had to put myself and my family first.  My dad came up to me and held my hands and said “I am so proud of you” I asked him how he could be proud of me when I had failed so miserably. He then said “don’t you see, you passed the test”. I stood dumbfounded. Test? What test? I looked around at the beings that had helped me and I saw them all smiling. I asked my guide “is the test that I have to put myself first?”. He said that was part of it and reminded me of how I use to take in every animal I could because I had to save them. It didn't matter that it caused financial problems, I was doing important work. I thought I had healed that aspect of myself and in many ways I had. Yet when presented with the opportunity to save the world from darkness, that aspect of self kicked in again.  I was willing to sacrifice everything again to appease that side of me that wants to be a hero. With ego added to that it was a dangerous combination.

After absorbing this information, I looked again at all the beings assembled and saw in the back the Draconian beings standing there as well. I was immediately suspicious. Was this all a trick? But at that point I decided it didn't matter. I was out. I was putting myself first, this wasn't my fight. I asked my guide if all these beings were “in on it” together and he told me that I had created this scenario and all these beings agreed to participate in my creation.  I looked at him and said “Wait, I created this? This good and evil drama?” he said yes.  I then remembered Dolores Cannon whose books I had read and remember her clearly saying many times in her videos that she had NEVER met a bad or evil being. She was accessing information from above the drama on earth. It hit me and I looked around and said “Good and Evil is just another layer to the illusion!” I thought they were going to clap. It was in that moment that I realized that I had to come to this understanding that the illusion on earth is thick and has many layers. One of the layers is the battle of good vs. evil on earth that includes different races of alien beings.  I asked my guides if I had created all the beings I saw in front of me and was told “no, you only created the scenario, these beings helped you play it out with the hopes that you would see through the illusion and you have.”  My dad said again that he was proud of me for getting through this illusion so quickly and healing two aspects, my need to save others and seeing through the drama of good vs. evil as another layer to the illusion. 

Beyond the illusion there is no battle, only love. I thanked all the beings for taking time to help me with this valuable lesson. I was grateful. I asked my guide why I was told that my higher-self wanted me to do this work and he replied “she wanted you to go through this lesson, to continue on your path you had to see the layers of illusion and see how easy it is to be caught up in it. If you didn't see your way out, how can you possibly shine a light for others?” 

I then looked at him and said “I created this whole scenario?” he replied “yes, you did and others helped you play it out.” I absorbed this info and said “why would I create something so negative and terrible?” His reply was “Indeed, but now you know how powerful you are. Go create the life you want.” 

Neutrality and Manifestation

I saw this amazing video today (link at the bottom, it’s a must watch!) of a pod of dolphins and a whale family that was filmed from the sky by a drone. The images it captured gave a view that most of us could never see without a costly helicopter ride and incredible luck of being at the right place and the right time.  It highlights the incredible potential that drones have to change the way that we view our world.  A friend of mine posted the video and questioned if we as a society are seeing more positive uses for drones in order to hide the more negative ones, like spying and bombing.  It was a good question so I started looking at our perception of things and what that means for the manifestation of our world. 

Everything has a good and bad side, everything. Even a ball point pen can be a useful writing instrument or it could be a weapon.  Drones are not good or bad. They just are, it is our perception that labels them one way or another. If I see an item as either good or bad, I am feeding into the duality of the matrix.  However, if I see them as both, as having the potential for good or evil, I am viewing them as neutral.  Neutrality is where manifestation lies.

Once you are at the place of neutrality – you then have a choice in how you wish to perceive something. You can choose to see a person, event, place, or item in a mostly negative light or you can frame your perception to be positive.

I wanted greater clarification, so I wrote with my higher self, what I learned I will use to help me manifest in all areas of my life.

When you see drones from a place of neutrality but choose to see the positive over the negative, you are manifesting a world where drones will be used for good the majority of the time. Since there is free will and humans are unpredictable, nothing will be perfect. However, if your thoughts are on the beneficial uses to the drone then 85% of the time they will be used for good in your reality.

If you then start to believe drones have a greater use as evil, the percentage changes, as you would have actually changed realities to one where the item is used for harm.  When your thoughts are mostly negative, you will be in a reality that mirrors those thoughts. As you choose to see the more positive aspects of life, you will move realities to reflect a more optimistic world.  You constantly shift realities based on your thoughts, feelings and actions. The universe responds to what you are sending out as it assumes it is the experience you must want, or else you would not be creating it.

This is how two people living in the same household can have very different views on things. They are literally in two different realities, each manifesting their thoughts and bringing to themselves confirmation of their beliefs. Look at your Facebook, when you are feeling unsure, unhappy or fearful do not others posts reflect these feelings as well?  This is why we urge you to remain positive, to have positive friends and to turn away from those who are wrapped in fear.  When a person is experiencing duality, good vs. evil, they are unable to create their own desires. Manifestation requires neutrality, the belief that everything in the universe can be both good and bad; it is our perception of it that makes it so. 

Dimensions & Levels within towards Enlightenment

As I have been going through the ascension process, I've spent a lot of time wondering if any of the physical symptoms, the constant clearing and reevaluating of self was doing anything to advance me on this journey.  So many times I felt stuck, lost, even in a void.  I wanted a guide book, step by step instructions on what was next. I asked one of my higher selves if there was a guidebook, received a yes answer but then heard a chuckle because it is in the language of light which I am unable to interpret yet. Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor.  I knew that I was processing, could feel light codes coming in, and could feel myself holding more light and changing, but I wanted concrete answers, something quantifiable.  When I tuned into these feelings, the pushes from solar flares, planet alignments and my own personal changes, I realized that there were levels and I was moving up that golden spiral one level at a time.

Each dimension we pass through has its own levels and each level is a lesson we must master before moving to the next one.  These lessons are different for every person as our needs and purpose are not the same. I began to be able to tell that I had moved to a new level when I experienced moments of incredible clarity, beauty, and insights. On the other hand, some levels triggered strong emotions and ego resurgence to show me areas I needed to work on. Some levels had events & themes in my life resurfacing for me to handle that last time.  Some even brought up deeply buried memories so that I could look at them with forgiveness and release to the universe. Each level I move into brings an increased sense of peace and allowing. The world around me hasn't changed so much, but my perception of it has.

Upon realizing that these intense emotions were lessons I had to go through it was much easier to return to center and find my inner peace. Some levels I have sailed through and others have brought me to my knees. I personally found Dimensions 4 & 5 to be the most difficult so far; they have the fewest lessons, but take the most time. It is in these realms that we awaken to truth and begin to control our egos.   It is where we take a look at our lives, patterns, and behaviors and make solid change.

Resisting made the process so much more difficult so I have begun to see each new lesson as a challenge and as a way to see exactly what I need to work on.  Now when I am at odds within myself I question:  Is my ego rising and causing me problems? Am I not allowing others to be where they are on their spiritual journey? Am I slipping back into fear and lack? Is that old life theme coming back to derail me, such as money, relationships, or health issues?  Have I stepped away from my heart center and acted without compassion and love?  By asking these questions I am able to dissect what is happening with me and return to that place of love, joy, and allowing. I now ask my Higher Self daily to see where I am in the process and have found that I am no longer anxious, I hope it does the same for you. 

Levels to Ascension also known as the Path to Enlightenment
Dimension	Levels	Hu level
3rd	17 levels	Hu 1 Holds the physical body
4th	19 levels	Hu 2 This level holds our soul identity. This is where we begin merging with our higher selves.
5th	27 levels
6th	28 levels
7th	29 levels	Hu 3 This level holds our Over Soul identity. We merge with this self as well.
8th	29 levels
9th	29 levels
10th	34 levels	Hu 4 This level is where we merge with our Avatar identity. The Sanskrit word avatar literally means “descent”. It refers to the descent of divinity from heaven to earth.  http://www.ananda.org/glossary/avatar/
11th	34 levels
12th	34 levels
13th	39 levels	Hu 5 This level is where we merge with our Rishi Identity.  A Rishi is a spiritual master who has mastered the Spiritual Sciences through long and persistent efforts.    http://www.vishwaamara.com/rishis-and-work/rishis-the-light-masters/
14th	39 levels
15th	39 levels

Stealing my own sense of peace

I allowed myself to be triggered yesterday and really fell into fear and saw the change in me from being heart centered to thought centered. This allowed me to see just how important it is to maintain my thoughts and vibration. 

I learned last night that Colorado has a 3 day eviction rule. Once a landlord posts the notice on your door to leave, you have 3 days until a sheriff is at your door. Normally this info, while shockingly harsh wouldn't have fazed me. However earlier in the day I read a post of Facebook about how the government will be shutting down in February to never reopen and all social security retirement and disability payments will be cancelled. When I first read the post, I didn't think anything of it and scrolled right on past.... little did I realize it was doing its damage in my subconscious the whole time.  The moment I heard about the 3 day eviction process my brain went to - oh crap, you use your disability to pay rent! What if the government shuts down and you don't have that money anymore?

At first I thought I could contain the "What if?" thoughts, however as I was making dinner they kept flying through my mind. Within 30 minutes I was grumpy as a bear. Within 45 minutes I was so anxious and uncomfortable I started releasing it onto others. Next thing you know, I'm yelling at one kid because she was stalling before bed and yelling at another child for taking a 20 minute scalding hot shower. Didn't she know that it is dollars down the drain and we are on the verge of financial collapse, eviction, and homelessness? My husband just looked at me and said "this isn't like you; you are so angry and yelling at everyone." His calm response stopped me in my tracks. What was I doing? Why was I allowing thoughts to come into my mind that caused such deep fear? Why was I stealing my own sense of peace?

I went to take a bath to cleanse my aura and clear my head. Epsom salt, crystals, and rose essential oil always does the trick for me. As I lay in the bath, I realized that the moment I let fear and lack into my thoughts I switched from being a heart centered being to a thought/ego centered one. In that place, I was taking all my frustration and fear out on my family allowing my shadow side to come out and play. 

Today I am thinking of how I allowed myself to be triggered and decided that I need to be in control of my environment and the thoughts I entertain. Anything less comes at too great a price, my internal peace and happiness. In conversations with my higher self, it was suggested that I limit my exposure to the fear propaganda. Fear lowers our vibration and since we create our version of reality via our thoughts, I need to be conscious of what I am creating. 

I don't watch news or much TV at all anymore. So little is entertaining and so much of the programming keeps us locked into fear, celebrity worship, and drama. I stopped reading the fear articles online and watching the video on YouTube that scream of the latest horrible thing getting ready to happen. I believe that that the creators of the videos feel that they are doing a service by awakening others. I was one of those people to scream from the roof tops all the injustices and plots taken place, begging people to wake up. I now realize that these tactics empower no one and instead causes people to shut down and be fearful. It literally takes us from our heart space. What I didn't do was manage my Facebook news feed. I didn't want to delete anyone because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. (Really? That again? Putting someone else's needs in front of my own. Ah, I'm such a work in progress.) I thought I could scroll through the news feed and just ignore those posts and not be triggered by them. Lesson learned. 

To get back to that place of inner peace and a wide open heart I just have to remind myself over and over again:

You are safe, whole, perfect and loved in the eyes of God. You are protected and eternal. 

Healing with Intent and Visualization

Learning experiences come to us in all sorts of ways. My most recent one was an absolute revelation. A friend messaged me that she was feeling really low, paralyzed by emotion. Her heart chakra was in the process of clearing but the "stuff" just wasn't leaving her etheric field. She asked if I could send her some energy. I agreed and planned to go to my sacred space, go within and send her some energy. Just as I was planning to do this, my 5 year old woke and climbed into bed with me. As I snuggled her I made a plan for what I was going to do when I had a moment to slip away and get into that "space". I saw myself creating an energy ball in my mind and then throwing it and it slamming into her heart chakra dispersing all of the crap that had collected.

About a minute later, she messages me on facebook saying that I just nailed her with energy that snapped her head back and make her spin! She felt lighter and free of the gunk. I was just floored. Could it be that intention and visualization were enough? I was always taught that I had to go within, connect to source, get it to flow to my heart and then down through my hands. It changed how I viewed everything.  I then decided to write with my higher self to get greater clarity. The information I received was eye opening and changes much.


Is intent enough to send healing? Do I need to go into meditation?
You can send healing by just your intent and visualizations. Intent and trust that it works is enough.


Are you able to heal deeper when in mediation?
Depends on the situation. If you know what is wrong or are sending energy, mediation or sacred space is not necessary. If you are trying to assess the problem, meditation may help you do this on the etheric level.  As the energies open up, as you become more integrated with your higher self, you will need less and less ritual.  You will be able to access many levels at one time. These abilities will become second nature. 

What I learned from this Duck Dynasty pissing contest

It's funny how ego works, it is a sly, sly fox. Even when you have the best of intentions, it can pop up and the next thing you know you are triggered by it.

When I heard about the controversy with Phil from Duck Dynasty and what was said about Christianity and homosexuality, I immediately thought - OK good, this will evoke a discussion among people and maybe someone might begin to see a different point of view. How wrong was I! Not only did people not want to budge on their views, but they set out attacking others who didn't agree with them. By the end of the day I felt so disheartened, sad and almost hopeless that humanity will ever get along. I had been told that bleeding hearts like me were what is wrong with the world and that all those wanting oneness and love were full of crap. Ouch to say the least, especially since one saying things was a relative.  I just wanted people to open their hearts and see another's point of view. I didn't want people to be so mean and heartless. Good intentions? YES, absolutely. Full of ego? YES.... absolutely.

Once I stepped back I realized I had brought all my sad, heart broke, feelings unto myself. I became involved in the situation, inserted myself in people's beliefs. Since their actions didn't match with mine, it was painful. I had expectations, the first sign that ego is involved. If I had stayed the neutral observer, I would have realized that while I don't agree with people hating another, I can't change them. They are right where they need to be in their development at this point in time. 

I woke the next day resolved that I would stay the neutral observer. That worked great until I posted something on Facebook and was met with a person who quotes the bible like a weapon. The discussion started off nice, but quickly deteriorated into - if you don't believe what I believe you are going to hell with all those homosexuals out there. That was when I should have walked away, deleted the thread and called it a day. Instead, guess who came out to play? Yup you guessed it. My ego. I didn't get upset or nasty, I just shared with him my view point on religion, that there are many paths to God. I even tried to explain the theory on reincarnation, on how we choose our lives etc. He was busy trying to change my mind and I was busing trying to change his. However, by trying to change someones mind I was implying that my path was better or the right one. Judgement is the ego.  

Our role is not to change people, our role is to shine a light, open a door, it is up to the person to walk through that door. At that point we can share our wisdom, before that it is literally a waste of precious energy.  I'm learning to be grateful for these moments when ego pops up because I am able to see where it was triggered and where I allowed myself to be engaged. From there I work on fixing my thinking.  

What I learned from this Duck Dynasty pissing contest:

• Not everyone is nice, not everyone will get along. It's not my job to play referee. We are all here playing a role, learning a lesson. Those who play the "bad" roles in our society are also serving a greater purpose by exposing the disparity between their actions and actions filled with love. 

• While I resonate with the belief that there are many paths to God, that belief does not always bring others peace. Many are still deeply rooted in religion and dogma and it is OK. They are right where they need to be for their soul growth as there are no mistakes. To push people out of their comfort zone is not only a waste of time but it could create fear in them, which could further close their mind from different thoughts. 

• It is much safer and less painful to maintain the roll of the observer, to realize that this is all an illusion and we are all playing roles for our soul to learn. 

Conversations with Higher Self - 12/21/13

Explain to me my purpose, I feel so lost.

You are a Bridger. Once the waves of people leave the portals that are open now will not be as available or easy to access. You and others like you will guide them through the narrow bridge between the two worlds. You will see the earth's changes and how humans will act. You and those that follow the path of light will be guided and protected. You have to trust. If fear is allowed to take over... it is a choice they make. Many star people will stay until the last waves as their light is needed to balance the energies and hold light on the earth until the last soul is ready.  For those in the later waves, they have to keep their light high and not be overcome by fear. As you know, the bridge is long and narrow. One's light and conviction needs to be strong.  Stressing that this is an illusion is very important. If they lose this aspect that their higher self is safe and whole, they will fail. 


Why is my ego so big and being activated?

It is so that you can see where your weak moments are. Once you go back to observing you can see how it plays out and what different courses of action could have been taken. 


You tried to warn me, didn't you? (I had gotten involved in major debates recently)

Yes, (giggles) you didn't listen and instead plowed right into another ego debate. 


Why do I feel such pain from the collective? Seeing what man has done to each other and the animals, it hurts. I want to be normal and not feel so much.

There is no normal for you. (laughing). You are shown these things so that you can forgive man for all they have done. Keeping in mind that many were doing the best they knew how to do.


How do past lives work with all being in the NOW?

Aspects of self are experiencing the world on many different timelines and dimensions. This is all so that we can learn the most about ourselves, from the lowest to the highest. This is why forgiveness and realizing of judgement are so important. You are forgiving and transmuting the pain from other selves. 


Will I make it?

Ah, but you already have. 

Just what I wanted for Christmas - ego coming to say Hi

It's that time of year again, run around like crazy, buy gifts, plan the perfect dinner, make cookies, attend parties... on and on it goes.

This year I felt a distinct urge to unplug, to not really participate in the festivities. Decorating felt like a chore and I scaled down massively. I wonder if I didn't have a 5 year old running around if I would have made a big of a fuss as I did. That was last week....

This week I am wrapping presents, planning the dinner, and figuring out who will be where when during the holidays. Money is very tight this season and the budget for each person is smaller than it has ever been. I WAS OK with that. The kids will get what they need, maybe a small thing of what they want and I'll call it a day. Yet the past few days I have felt... inadequate. I feel bad that there is not much under the Christmas tree or that we won't be able to take a family trip sledding for the weekend.

My husband is on me hard to stick to the budget and says that I do this every year, I go over my budget with last minute stuff in this anxiety fueled buying/wrapping binge. You know what? He is right. I do, do this... why do I have this need in me to buy, buy, buy? I was able to cut back easily on the out of town family and I think it is because I don't have to see their face upon opening the gift. I don't have to imagine their disappointment over the small amount.  I was talking to my oldest about this and she said "Mom, there are presents under the tree for everyone. It is enough." So what in me makes me feel as if it is not?

We will be having a house full for Christmas, All four of my daughters, two of them will have boyfriends coming, and a soldier we became friends with last year. None of them are coming for the gifts. They are coming for the fun, the laughter, silly games, water fights, and a good dinner. Isn't that what the holidays are really about?

To not feel adequate is my negative ego popping up telling me that I am not good enough, that I need to go the extra mile to receive people's love. Such a nasty bugger that ego is. Just when I think I have silenced it, events pop up to challenge it all and cause me to examine my self again. This is programming that has been ingrained in me that things equal love. That if I am unable to provide things than it diminishes who I am as a person. Well I am screaming foul! This is bullshit! I no longer want to play this game nor feel this way.

Here's to containing myself from spending more and not feeling bad that I didn't.

Straddling two worlds

I woke this morning at 4 am, anxious, unsettled with my heart chakra just aching. When I feel this way I meditate and ground myself into the earth. Most of the time it helps. Today was not one of those times. Instead I feel stressed, exhausted, and on the verge of tears. Maybe I just need to let myself cry, let it all go.

When I feel like this I am tempted to get back on my antidepressants. I was on them for 17 years, they became a crutch that didn't allow me to feel all that I could. When I decided it was time to get off them, the sensations aimed at me were overwhelming. Meditation helps keep 90% of the sadness, anger, and anxiety away. I just have few skills to deal with the other 10% of the time.

The only thing I can think that set me off was a video I watched that I shouldn't have. It was about a couple that "trained" their dog to sit up in a begging position. In the video if the dog, a toy poodle, slouches, the owner kicks him across the room. I watched 2 minutes of it, but the video went on for at least 12 minutes. In the article that accompanied the video it stated that the toy poodle was eventually beaten to death and the couple has another little dog that is being "trained" as well. The couple is in Malaysia and authorities have been repeatedly contacted (this all started in 2010), no charges were filed and these "people" didn't lose their right to own an animal.

I shouldn't have watched the video, it made my heart hurt and I get so mad at the cruelness of man. I just don't get it. This is 3D thinking, this type of thinking causes emotional pain. From a 5D perspective, I know that the couple are just souls going through an experience and in this lifetime they chose to be abusive. 5D thinking doesn't say that this behavior is not wrong, IT IS; but it doesn't attach judgement to it. From this perspective I understand that these animals came in and chose to be here as well. Those dogs chose to suffer, maybe so that light will be shined on animal abuse.  However, the 3D side of me can't get that video out of my head, I can't help but FEEL pain and sadness for those babies. I can't help but feel anger at the arrogance of man to think that they can treat others in such a horrific manner.

I am still in Duality... don't know how to get out.

The ascension journey

I've decided that I need to chart my journey. So many changes over the past year. I'm not sure who I am anymore, but I think I know who I am becoming.

It's not easy to delve into your psyche, clean out all your shit, and find your true self and purpose. The world at large doesn't get it. To them you have gone insane, some sort of psychosis. The more I learn and the deeper I go, the more I want to go into a cave and hide from the world. Unfortunately this is what we can not do because we hold light that the world needs, some of us need to go out into the world and spread that light. Not an easy task.

I've learned that I take on people's emotions. That I often feel things that are not mine. I'm learning to clear my aura and field, but I'm not all there yet. I flip from a 3D perspective to a 5D one and this leaves me feeling hypocritical or as if there are two people in my body. The one good thing is that my time spent with the 5D perspective is increasing and I can hold it longer. I do think that I need to write it all down to show myself just how far I have come. These can be important on the dark days... for there are dark days. This is a lonely journey, I seek comfort in like minded people, but I know I am on my own.