I woke this morning at 4 am, anxious, unsettled with my heart chakra just aching. When I feel this way I meditate and ground myself into the earth. Most of the time it helps. Today was not one of those times. Instead I feel stressed, exhausted, and on the verge of tears. Maybe I just need to let myself cry, let it all go.
When I feel like this I am tempted to get back on my antidepressants. I was on them for 17 years, they became a crutch that didn't allow me to feel all that I could. When I decided it was time to get off them, the sensations aimed at me were overwhelming. Meditation helps keep 90% of the sadness, anger, and anxiety away. I just have few skills to deal with the other 10% of the time.
The only thing I can think that set me off was a video I watched that I shouldn't have. It was about a couple that "trained" their dog to sit up in a begging position. In the video if the dog, a toy poodle, slouches, the owner kicks him across the room. I watched 2 minutes of it, but the video went on for at least 12 minutes. In the article that accompanied the video it stated that the toy poodle was eventually beaten to death and the couple has another little dog that is being "trained" as well. The couple is in Malaysia and authorities have been repeatedly contacted (this all started in 2010), no charges were filed and these "people" didn't lose their right to own an animal.
I shouldn't have watched the video, it made my heart hurt and I get so mad at the cruelness of man. I just don't get it. This is 3D thinking, this type of thinking causes emotional pain. From a 5D perspective, I know that the couple are just souls going through an experience and in this lifetime they chose to be abusive. 5D thinking doesn't say that this behavior is not wrong, IT IS; but it doesn't attach judgement to it. From this perspective I understand that these animals came in and chose to be here as well. Those dogs chose to suffer, maybe so that light will be shined on animal abuse. However, the 3D side of me can't get that video out of my head, I can't help but FEEL pain and sadness for those babies. I can't help but feel anger at the arrogance of man to think that they can treat others in such a horrific manner.
I am still in Duality... don't know how to get out.
I am now going through the "weaning" off of my meds. I am scared. Been on them for 20 years with the exception of when I was pregnant and during that time I bottomed out so bad it took me several years to come back. HOWEVER, i do think much of what I have experienced was ascension related....so I am pulling back on the meds now and will see what happens. I noticed for the last month, due to the issue of time becoming less important, I was not taking my meds everyday. i just couldn't remember or didn't remember. but i felt the same. now I am taking at most every other day. and still ok. i often wonder how many cases of depression etc could be treated without meds if ascension process was more openly communicated about.
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