When I started crossing sprits over I was so honored. It was
an important job that helped people and let me be of service. I had been on the
sidelines for so long. In my attempt to find balance with the near constant
flow of souls a friend told me how I could cross over someone quickly and
painlessly. This was used for those souls, who wouldn't leave, were befuddled
in their mind, or were in your face angry types who wouldn't listen to reason or respect boundaries (like my home).
Thankfully, these souls were very few and far between.
With this ability to cross unruly souls over quickly I
started to ask my guides if I could cross dark spirits over quickly in the same
fashion and got a yes that it was possible. From there, my mind (ego) took over and I just ran with
it. I asked if me clearing portions as large as a state would be possible and
to my delight I was told yes, it was very possible. I also learned that I could
clear places where emotions resided such as hate, anger, and pain. Negative
beings would feed on those emotions; the amount I could clear was amazing. It wasn't long before my concrete mind wanted
to quantify things. How many beings on earth are dark? How many could I clear
with an hour’s worth of work? I felt like I was on a crusade, clearing the
earth of dark beings and freeing earth and her people to a fast ascension. It wasn't long, 24 hours in fact, before I
started to attract dark beings to me. They wanted me to stop what I was doing
and attacked. Most beings I would feel in my aura and clear, but there was a
group that I could not. These were the Draconian’s. They would come into my aura and mess with my
chakras, shutting down my heart and solar plexus chakras. They would also
create such pain in my back to the point that I felt like I was being punched. I went to my guides and demanded help.
I got help. I was given crews of people who would help keep me remove these
dark beings. I asked if doing this was
what my higher self-wanted and got a yes. I assumed it was because it was what my
higher-self did on a daily basis.
Soon the attacks were unrelenting. They were not only when I
cleared areas of dark beings, but all the time. I was constantly checking my
aura and chakras . It was really rough and painful but I had convinced myself
that I had to save humanity, that my sacrifice was needed. A friend who I had shared what was happening
with said that she had always avoided negative beings by keeping her vibration
up as lower negative beings cannot touch you if you vibrate higher than they
do. I told her that I had always held to
that too, until recently. She also gently reminded me that I had free will and
could back out of anything at any time.
I was vibrating lower and lower, in pain and really, really cranky. My
youngest came into my room to ask a question and I just exploded on her. I was
trying to keep these beings from hurting me and here she was asking for
something. She looked at me and said “Mommy, you are scaring me”, out of the mouth of babes. I sat back and
thought – what the hell am I doing? I am trying to “save” the world but I am
not even being a decent mom at the moment. How can I possibly help anyone when
I can’t help myself?
At that moment, I made a decision – I was done. It wasn't my
job to save anyone. The only person I can save is me, I can help people, shine
a light in the dark, but that’s as far as it goes. I went to take a bath to clear my aura and I
went into meditation. I stood in an area and I was surrounded by all the beings
that agreed to help me fight the dark. My guides, the angels, the crews and
even my dad were there. I started by apologizing for failing them, for not
being strong enough to continue this fight. I explained to them that I had to
put myself and my family first. My dad
came up to me and held my hands and said “I am so proud of you” I asked him how
he could be proud of me when I had failed so miserably. He then said “don’t you
see, you passed the test”. I stood dumbfounded. Test? What test? I looked around
at the beings that had helped me and I saw them all smiling. I asked my guide “is
the test that I have to put myself first?”. He said that was part of it and
reminded me of how I use to take in every animal I could because I had to save
them. It didn't matter that it caused financial problems, I was doing important
work. I thought I had healed that aspect of myself and in many ways I had. Yet
when presented with the opportunity to save the world from darkness, that
aspect of self kicked in again. I was
willing to sacrifice everything again to appease that side of me that wants to
be a hero. With ego added to that it was a dangerous combination.
After absorbing this information, I looked again at all the
beings assembled and saw in the back the Draconian beings standing there as
well. I was immediately suspicious. Was this all a trick? But at that point I
decided it didn't matter. I was out. I was putting myself first, this wasn't my fight. I
asked my guide if all these beings were “in on it” together and he told me that
I had created this scenario and all these beings agreed to participate in my
creation. I looked at him and said “Wait,
I created this? This good and evil drama?” he said yes. I then remembered Dolores Cannon whose books
I had read and remember her clearly saying many times in her videos that she
had NEVER met a bad or evil being. She was accessing information from above the
drama on earth. It hit me and I looked around and said “Good and Evil is just
another layer to the illusion!” I thought they were going to clap. It was in
that moment that I realized that I had to come to this understanding that the
illusion on earth is thick and has many layers. One of the layers is the battle
of good vs. evil on earth that includes different races of alien beings. I asked my guides if I had created all the
beings I saw in front of me and was told “no, you only created the scenario, these
beings helped you play it out with the hopes that you would see through the
illusion and you have.” My dad said
again that he was proud of me for getting through this illusion so quickly and
healing two aspects, my need to save others and seeing through the drama of
good vs. evil as another layer to the illusion.
Beyond the illusion there is no battle, only love. I thanked
all the beings for taking time to help me with this valuable lesson. I was
grateful. I asked my guide why I was told that my higher-self wanted me to do
this work and he replied “she wanted you to go through this lesson, to continue
on your path you had to see the layers of illusion and see how easy it is to be
caught up in it. If you didn't see your way out, how can you possibly shine a
light for others?”
I then looked at him and said “I created this whole
scenario?” he replied “yes, you did and others helped you play it out.” I
absorbed this info and said “why would I create something so negative and
terrible?” His reply was “Indeed, but now you know how powerful you are. Go
create the life you want.”
